Black African Gold Hardcore (Celulares) (320x240)


2001, 106 min
Country:  Central African Republic
Studio :  JNRC America
Cast:  Mugumbo, Uncredited
Director:  Jean-Noel Rene Clair
A tepid flick that gets serious points for introducing us to cover model Mugumbo: a dark-skinned hottie with killer bod and an amazingly hot and thick slab of horsemeat.
I really admire the work of director Clair; he's turned out some really ambitious stuff that has really paid off. That's why I was so psyched when I found out he was going on location in Africa to film. Unfortunately, the mostly unenthusiastic cast nearly kills it.
With no plot whatsoever (unless you count establishing shots of the gorgeous country as 'plot') this sails right on into the action. The fact that the whole thing takes place in the same bedroom (albeit in the middle of a gorgeous country) and that only the 'tops' and the occasional soloist ever pop a load didn't help matters.
First up are a rather non-descript duo (both with shaved heads and similar above-average bodies) do a little sucking, and a little fucking. Literally. That's it. The second duo held more promise. One beauty in a white tank top and jeans gets it on with another guy. Both again with shaved heads, the jeans-wearer has a great heavy set of balls, and a thick hardon poking through his jeans (bulge-lovers alert!) that alas, goes nowhere. Lame sucking and a lame load from the top only.
Another duo (this time with cropped hair) exact more of the same, until the fourth scene, where Mugumbo - a totally built dark-skinned hottie - came into play, and I thought "all-right!" It's a solo, but what a set of balls this guy has - I mean these are like canteloupes, bouncing meatily all around from his long sack. And his cock? Dinner is served! Huge thick head, thick meaty shaft, nearly perfect. The undershot of him whacking (and those basketballs bouncing) makes the flick. Great load, too.
More blah scenes follow (not having both guys cum onscreen during each segment was a huge mistake on the director's part) and the air conditioning unit in the room was making weird noises, too. It must be noted though: these African men have some of the most flawless complexions I've ever seen. Some are darker than others, but their skin practically radiates. Shaved and Naired (which, along with the Izod shirts, Guess watches, and Levi's jeans they were all wearing took away something for some reason), to look at them is to fall in love/lust. I just wish the sex was better.
Which leads me to the final scene:
Remember Mugumbo, the beefy hottie who did a solo earlier? Well, he turns up in the flick's final scene, and I was all happy as I thought to myself "here's the scene that'll make the movie". Boy was I wrong, because the lame-ass motherfucker he was sadly paired with can't suck a dick to save his life! I don't know if his partner was straight, scared, or just retarded, but this has to rank as one of the most frustrating blowjobs I've ever witnessed. Beefy Mugumbo even tells him what to do (as it is mumbled, I'm not sure which language is spoken here) and the guy still doesn't cooperate.
I mean, I'm sorry, but if a thick fat beautiful piece of cock like this guy has is placed square in front on my mouth with no obstacle in sight, I'll do a helluva lot more than just bob on the head and push it in my cheek. I swear, I was literally yelling at my TV: "Fuck you, you lame pussy: either learn to suck a dick or get another job."


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